On the First Day of Summer....

Today was an interesting day. I wouldn't say it was a great day, but, despite having another Ben health scare, having to wait in line for 30 minutes just to get my car washed, and burning my arm while making food, I can't say it was a bad day. Today was a good day, thanks to it being the first day of summer vacation :-)

It Has Arrived!

The 80s were a strange time for music videos.

I made it. I seriously can't believe I'm actually 100% done with my sophomore year of college. That even feels strange to type. I feel so liberated, like I can do what I want with no restrictions. I can go back to reading "A Clash of Kings" or play a video game without feeling any guilt. That's probably one of the greatest feelings in the world: when you have the time to do exactly what you want, and the ability to do so.

I'd say this was a really good school year. The fall was difficult, school-wise, thankfully. Experimental Psychology was a major bitch because of that project, and so was Social Science Statistics for the same reason. Medieval European History was so much fun with such a crazy professor, but I wish I had gotten an A in a course like that instead of a B :-/ Human Systems was also a drag, but I met some good people through there and somehow got an A. Lunches with Jessica and Ricky were amazingly fun, as well.

I feel like the spring, however, kicked fall's ass. I blame Jessica Cespedes for this. Spending almost entire Tuesdays with her for 4 months can drive a person insane, but we really got to be much better friends, and I'm so happy that she's in my life. Despite our constant vitriol, there's a rock solid base of friendship that exists between us. I don't think I'd have as much fun in my life if it wasn't for her. So thanks, Jessica. I'll always cherish our Alot of Fun Tuesdays at Juego de Jamba.

I can't forget my Einstein's friends either. Last year I really kind of avoided them, if only because I was afraid about how a few would react to me. This little bunch of sordid folks can be fun, weird, and hilarious. There's a lot of drama amongst them, but also just a lot of goodness. I'm really happy I decided to hang out with them, as I now have more friends than I imagine I would have otherwise. I have to say, though, eating at Einstein's makes me miss Ashley like nobody's business. Those were the best lunches I've ever had :-)

Now, to academic stuff. History and Systems of Psychology was such a chore, despite it being relatively easy. It just got VERY tedious, and that term paper drained me for the entire semester. Creative Writing let me actually write for the first time in I don't know how long, and led me to meet a really great person, as well as institute some holidays with her (#TwizzlerMonday and #JuniorMintWednesday for life!). Abnormal Psychology was a wake-up call about the field, but allowed me to fall back in love with psychology. The professor, though initially intimidating, is also the best professor I've ever had. After that was hang out time with Jessica, which opened me up to the works of Hayao Miyazaki, and I'm very grateful for that. Then we had Shakespeare Survey together, which was an emotionally turbulent time. Mood whiplashes of "this class is so fun" to "I hate this class" were common. Totaro was an amazing professor, though Jessica would probably say otherwise, since our professor apparently harbored a grudge against her. Thursdays were my Film class, which was both great and okay. I wish I had met more people in there, but it seemed that everybody already knew each other/were film snobs/douches. It seemed like I would thrive in this sort of environment, but it was not meant to be. However, it was still extremely interesting, and I'm so happy to have checked off taking a film class from my list of things to do.

I've come to learn a lot about myself this year and accept who I am. I can honestly say that I am happy and fulfilled, which IS the greatest feeling of all.

This summer WILL be amazing.

The Light Is In Sight

I've finished my Shakespeare paper. This is the big one, the hardest thing between me and summer break. Now it's done, and I've got a big grin on my face. I turn the physical copy in tomorrow, then I'll email my portfolio to my Creative Writing professor, and then I will be complete 100% done. I can't believe it, it's seemed to take so long to get here. I'm done :-D

Post on the school year that was tomorrow!

Why Do We Fear?

I blame Jessica Cespedes entirely for making me look at scary things on TVTropes. I briefly mentioned Slender Man yesterday and she just HAD to get me to explain all about it. Suddenly I feel this urge to satisfy my curiosity about fear, so I went and looked at some individual pages linked from the Creepy Pasta TVTropes page. Whenever I do this, I always convince myself that I'm not going to be scared because it was made up by people on the Internet... then I end up getting freaked out and paranoid for an hour :-/ Then I'm back to normal until the sun goes down and then I'm back at it. Sigh....

So, question. Why do we have this urge to be scared? What drives us to look at frightening things, even when we know better?

So Tired

I barely have the will to post. It has been a long ass day of my Abnormal Psych final, shenanigans with Jessica (including Ponyo!), acting (YAY!), and peer reviewing papers.

Don't you just enjoy these little snippets of my day? Big blog posts in the future, at least! Oh, and Jessica, this is probably the most hipster song you've ever heard. Just my guess.

One down....

At last, I have finished my final Monday of classes. I kind of want to wait to share my thoughts on the semester for Thursday, so, um... I've got nothing.

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter everybody! Jesus is risen and we're all saved! Huzzahs all around!

I wonder what He would say about the world today. People are still warring over beliefs, there's still murder and mayhem, people are divided across economic and political lines. The world isn't a happy place.

I'm not necessarily a religious person anymore. Spiritual, yes, but religious, not so much. I think the Church has become too... biased. It's natural. Humans are the ones who have to lead it, and they're imperfect. Everybody has a motive or an opinion. I think some have been the wrong ones, and so I think the Church has lost its way a bit. Now don't get me wrong, I still love Jesus, I still think that the parables, the stories, they're all true. Jesus died for our sins and was resurrected. Salvation comes from being a good person and doing good things. It's just... until the Church can become more in line with my morals, I can't belong to it anymore.

I'm not anti-religion. I think Buddhism is the most naturally good religion in existence. I think all religions try to say the same truth, but humans get in the way and complicate things, saying that it's their way or the highway to Hell.

If you are a good person, you live a good life, and you love each other, then I think you live the Word and the way Jesus intended.

Happy Easter, everybody!

"All of time and space, anything that ever happened or ever will. Where do you want to start?"

In Christmas of 2009 I was home alone. My parents, who had recently gotten together after being separated, were out doing some things and getting food. It had been a really rough year, starting college the least of the stresses. I was feeling good, but not so good as I had been what felt like many years ago.

I was sitting in my room, cold and pretty emotionally exhausted, looking for something to put on television. On the guide, I saw a show called "Doctor Who" was on. The name struck a chord. "Doctor Who" is one of the most troped shows on TVTropes, meaning that if you look at one random trope, the possibilities are good that it's listed. This, funny enough, annoyed me. "How good could this show be? Seriously?" So, I turned it on. The episode was called "Midnight" and featured the tenth Doctor on a broken ship with an alien force possessing people on board. It was weird, it was creepy, but most of all, it was interesting. What followed were end of season episodes, meaning I didn't fully understand what was happening, but I couldn't stop watching. I was almost moved to tears, and literally raised my arms in the air with victory when things went well.

There was one particular part in the show where all of the Doctor's old friends were helping him pilot the TARDIS through space. They were cheering, the music was roaring, and it was brilliant. Even now, I have a smile on my face thinking about it. That was the moment when I knew I was hooked on this show. That was when I knew that it was absolutely brilliant. That was the happiest I had been in so very long.

Thankfully Netflix had all the seasons of "Doctor Who" available for streaming, so I started watching and catching up. There were some amazing episodes, some good episodes, and a smattering of crappy episodes. BBC America showed the series once a day so I could have my daily dose. I knew the references, the jokes, the characters, the storylines.

I cried (well not really, but you know what I mean) when Ten finished his time on the show, and started laughing hysterically when Eleven appeared right after. Then season five, Eleven's first season, premiered. I've heard the show described as a dark, modern fairy tale. I think that might be the most accurate description of the show I've heard of. Time for cheesiness, but this is truly what I think: this show is magical. Honest to God, pure, idealistic, happy magic. It's beautiful, it's funny, it's sad, it's dramatic, it's spiritual, it's ridiculous, it's maddening and the most logical thing on television.

But the best thing about it? I feel like a kid again when I watch it. The only thing comparable was when I stepped into Harry Potter World. I literally feel ten again, like anything could happen, that the world isn't so bad. I forget my worries and just indulge in its magnificence. It's one of the worlds that I wish I could live in. It's realistic while still having goodness. It's how I still feel young. I would say it's even responsible for getting me out of my hole of depression. You know how I act silly and happy sometimes? Blame this show.

"Doctor Who" is pure happiness, and that's why I love it.

A Good Friday

Procrastinating on my Shakespeare paper and just going to post now. Still reeling from the excellent day yesterday and still super happy from it :-D

Mom is in her room having an Abrahamic religion day centering on Jesus. Right now she's watching Ten Commandments, but I watched Jesus Christ Superstar earlier and it was really good. Still makes me miss acting, but I'm glad we'll be able to act this summer.

Speaking of, summer is just two weeks from now and yet it feels like an uncrossable chasm lies between me and it. This summer WILL be amazing, so it's kind of like being a little kid and having candy in too high a place. It's there, it's tantalizing, but I'll have to wait if I want to reach it.

Also, tomorrow is Doctor Who day, so expect a good post on why I love that show!

#Awesomesauce

Wow today was awesome. So awesome. Like so way unbelievably awesome. And it was so simple, too. All I did was go over to Ashley's, we sat, and watched Doctor Who all day. We also had such excellent talks that were... amazing. I loved today, it was totally relaxing and calming. I'm not even sure what to talk about, because the whole day just blended into a typhoon of epic. There was no singular part of the day to highlight: everything was amazing.

*Yawn*

I am overcome with a case of the fatigued, so I'll make a better post tomorrow, okey-dokies?

My Day with Jessica

Oh my goodness today was a lot of fun. Even waking up so early, the day started amazingly. I did not feel like falling asleep in Abnormal Psych, met up with Jessica for a #DELICIOUS wrap (despite not having hand sanitizer), and then went off to watch Princess Mononoke. Turns out, it was AMAZING. Probably my favorite of the three Miyazaki movies we've watched. While not the "Star Wars of animation" it was certainly epic in every sense of the word.

After that, we watched the "Let's Destroy Metal Gear" saga up until "Shagohod," which means only one thing: we will continue! Also, Jessica is Otacon. #Truestory.

Oh, we also had Shakespeare Survey, which ended up not being totally stressful and instead got to watch a movie which ended sadly :-/

Finally, to cap off this epic day of epicness, we went to the Hillel Seder Dinner. Oh my goodness did we goyum have fun. From getting completely lost with the prayers, to eating bitter herbs, and me pouring too much grape juice for everyone, we had lots of fun. I found out that Seder food is EXTREMELY delicious, I was the Moses of our table, the invention of Jewpple sauce, and many other things I can't remember off the top of my head.

Overall, I'd say this was an epic way to conclude our Alot of Fun Tuesdays.

A Light Post

I hate to disappoint but I don't know how many big posts there will be for a little while. With finals next week, my mind is going to be overloaded with other things to do. I'll try to come up with some good stuff, but I don't know how likely it will be.

I wish I could take a picture of the light for you guys right now. The way it's coming into my room is a very red-gold glow. I know that sounds a bit random, but it's probably my favorite part about spring. There's something so unbelievably beautiful about it, enough to make me want to write. The spring is usually when I get my writing done, and I think this has a serious effect on it. It's almost ethereal in a way. Even when I have a bad day, coming into my room just relaxes me so much because of the light. It's inspiring, comforting, and warm.

Another Short Post

First of all, "Game of Thrones" premieres tonight! So excited!

So I'm still doing all of my papers. Boo. I hate having loads of things to do. Yes, it sounds like a broken record at this point. Thankfully, I'm almost done with all of it, and then it'll be time to relax! I am counting the days.

What to Do, What to Do

I'm having trouble trying to come up with ideas for my 21st birthday. At first I thought I'd do the normal thing and we'd all go to Friday's and I'd drink, but now I'm kind of thinking I want to switch things up a bit. Make it REALLY memorable.

I've been chatting about it with you guys and have been thinking about having a themed birthday. We'd all come to my house, dress up, and have a little get-together. And I'd drink, obviously. So, my ideas are:

• Gatsby party: pretty self-explanatory. We all dress up like it's the 20s and we're having a bootlegging shindig. Then somebody shoots me while I'm in the pool... maybe not that. Though I know who would #scrunchyface.
• Lovecraft party: This one I have no real reason for doing except that I saw somebody posted photos of one on FB. Everybody was dressed up in early 20th century garb, there was a Cthulhu cake, and alcohol. I have absolutely NO idea how else we'd celebrate that, so that one is pretty unlikely and unfeasible.
• Doctor Who: Oh this one is fun. We could get a big blue piece of construction paper to put on the front door of my house so it looks like the TARDIS, and then inside we're all dressed up like Doctor Who-related things. I'd be the Doctor, Ashley would be DONNAH, Jessica would be a Dalek/vacuum cleaner, and... that's all I've got, really. Also, that would involve a lot of work, unless people dressed up in different time period clothing. So someone is a Spartan, someone else is a knight, etc. Hm, that one doesn't sound so bad after all. It also helps that I'd act more and more like the Doctor with every drink I have. I already act like Ten when I'm panicky and in a rush, can you imagine me trashed?

That's all I've got, really. I'm sure there's more, and it's a long way from now, but I just felt like sharing.

!

I really really really despise working all day. Like, for real. I hate the run-up to the end of the semester. I hate it so so much. It is such a painfully slow lead-up.

Remember that 15 page term paper I had to write? Apparently it wasn't "complete enough" to be graded, so I've spent all day looking up better sources and trying to fit them in, which has lengthened the paper from 15 to 19 (and growing) pages.

On the bright side, while trying to blow off some steam I found Metal Gear videos that made me lol! Yay!

Question Time!

I've got nothing to write about tonight, as today was pretty casual, so let me ask you a question:

If you could live in one fantasy world, from a movie, book, game, comic, whatever, which would you pick and why?

Me, I'd pick Lord of the Rings. Since the greatest evil to ever exist has been destroyed, everything is relatively safe. Life is a lot simpler, since it can be divided into good and evil, and medieval without the shitty parts of medieval life.

Why yes, I am a dork, why do you ask?

We'll Call it "The Green Room"

There's a movie made several years ago called "The Big Chill." I haven't seen it the whole way through yet, unfortunately, but my mom swears by it as one of her favorite movies. The movie is about a group of friends gathering together for a funeral after being separated for a long time and reconnecting. I think. Like I said, I haven't seen it from beginning to end. Anyway, whenever my mom has it on, she talks about how she saw it with her friends and said that that is what they would be like as adults. She even pointed out the characters that matched with her friends.

This rang very closely home to me. I've never had as close friends as I've had from Verot, and I think it's important that we've been able to stay pretty well connected. Even when we do meet after a while, like with Chez, we just snap back into our old ways. I really love that about all of us, and I hope it doesn't change.

Anyway, I want to know where OUR "Big Chill" is. God knows there were loads of them in the 80s, but we don't have our own modern movie about young adult life. It bothers me that the closest we get to these is "Superbad" or "Mean Girls," because those aren't movies we can all relate to. I'm talking movies about groups of friends, not conflict. I think the only movie that got semi-close was "Easy A," but I think we can do better. Each of us has gone through enough to get ourselves movies, I don't see why we haven't got one yet.

Deep Thoughts Time

I sometimes hate the freedom college provides.

Before I got here, I knew that I wanted to be a screenwriter and major in English. Then, after taking AP and finding out English is a pain in the ass sometimes, and helping out friends when they were having trouble, I decided to switch to Psychology. This seemed like an excellent decision, and, after getting a 100% in Gen Psych, I was cemented in this fact. Fast forward to last summer with Human Development and a B, and suddenly I'm a little wary of Psychology. A lot of the work is kind of tedious, but I shrug it off to a dull class and a crappy teacher. Now it's fall, and I'm in Experimental Psychology, and so much is happening at once that I can hardly keep up. By this point I know that I want to be a psychotherapist, and, to do that, to become a clinical psychologist. A girl, a fellow psych major, tells me late in the semester that most institutions accept about a handful out of thousands for their clinical psychology programs, and that, because of this, she's thinking of changing her major.

Experimental Psychology ends, I get a B (an A- were it not for the idiocy of a partner)and now it's this spring. Abnormal Psychology is a lot of work and memorization, but it's all so interesting that it's giving me the excitement I had from Gen Psych and my first exposure to the subject. I'm doing great in the class so far, the professor is amazing, but, in the beginning of the semester, he awakens us to the reality of post-undergraduate life. Clinical is like I thought it was, counseling psychology is a dying field (most people visit therapists that are clinical psychologists or psychiatrists) marriage and family is basically done with, and all that's left is social work or school psychology.

Social work is a dirty, gritty field, but I can open up my own private practice, allowing me counsel people. But, the way to get there is through working for places like Family Services, where Spanish is practically a requirement. Well, no me gusta espanol. Hablo espanol un pequito. I don't even know if that's grammatically correct. I can't learn Spanish at all. When I do, it falls right out of my head. Now all I have is school psychology, but... I don't like kids. Plus, it's LOTS of testing, and, worst of all, no proper counseling.

That's pretty much it.

My mom's friend Jeff works for a major advertising agency. He doesn't do creative work, but basically manages different advertising groups. Or something, I wasn't very clear. But he would go in, find out how to make the advertisers work best together, and then go off to help other advertisers. He's told me it involves A LOT of psychology, that an English minor or something looks good, and some other stuff. He travels all over the world and is loaded which, after living in dire straights for several years, would be a nice change of pace. The area seems good for creative, outside the box thinking that accompanies English, while involving the analysis that comes with psychology. Maybe I can go there, hope something works out. Except, I'd have to know business stuff, which I despise with a fierce passion.

That's why I hate collegiate freedom. I had a set goal in mind and now it's gone. I hate that things can't just be simple, that I can't do exactly what I wanted to do. My worst fear about adulthood isn't ending up alone, but settling. I have worked my ass off to get to where I am, the last thing I want to do is settle. But damn it if there aren't a shit-ton of obstacles in my way that cause me to change course.

I want it to be summer now. I want to be able to just relax, not have my worries for a while.

Winter is Coming

I feel the urge to express my excitement for "Game of Thrones." The book was a phenomenal, if long, read, and now the show will be premiering on Sunday. I cannot wait. If I were to describe the plot, I'd call it a "war of backstabbing, deceit, and brutality in a fantasy world in which the fantasy is hardly present." Imagine the middle ages instead of Middle-earth. If you have HBO, make sure to watch it. Since Jessica doesn't at FGCU, she'll have to wait, if she's interested.

The day wasn't exactly noteworthy. I had a lot of fun playing Halo Reach at Chris Ruskai's dorm, despite his constant killing of me. "Othello" was a pleasant read, despite its longevity and my falling asleep to it. Whenever I read a play, I always imagine it taking place on the Verot stage, and the players are either imagined by me or played by theatre kids. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I want to act. I know I sound like a broken record at this point, but it's something we all want. Hopefully.

What Dreams May Come

Last night I had a dream. It was opening night back at Verot, and we were performing "Hamlet." The stage was set, the players were ready. And I did not know my lines. At all. I was still on book, and whenever I tried to remember a line, it would seem to fall right out of my brain. I talked to Ms. Day about it, and she seemed, not mad, but disappointed. There was no one else to cover for me, no one else knew I didn't know my lines, and when the curtain went up, everyone would speak Shakespearean to me, and I would stare out blankly. I brought the book out, and everyone stared at me, wondering why this asshat was reading his lines instead of just acting.

And then I woke up.

It was such a relief to awaken to reality. I swear that as I get older, the more realistic my dreams get. This one I know had to do with the amount of work I had to do, however. I've got two weeks left of class, one week of finals, and only three classes to have big work left to do in. However, the amount of work is A LOT. So, while my brain thinks, "bah, you've got time. It's not bad," I'll give a hard look at what to do and just think "HOLY SHIT WORK NOW!" In fact, I'm avoiding work right now.

I want it to be May first. I want it right now.

And the song has nothing to do with anything. I just felt like posting it.

Superstar!

Let it be known that I am no big fan of musicals. I am not as drawn to them as many are, but I do like them. You know, the classics, like Sound of Music. Or the new classic that is Doctor Horrible. I don't have a dream of getting on stage and belting out a showtune. Rather, I'm the play type. I like standing in front of the spotlight and baring it all. There's something raw and primitive about acting. When I acted in Midsum (not so much Threepenny), I could feel the adrenaline, the pressure, and thrived on it. It's very cathartic and exciting to just go up there and act.

I've been saying this forever, and especially last night after the fantastic "Godspell," that I want to put on a show this summer. I am dead serious about this, too. I don't mean "it would be fun" or "sure let's do it." I mean "we MUST do this" and "we WILL do this." I know we all feel that way. We all miss going up on stage and performing. Why don't we do it?

Oh, and I picked this because while troping for "Godspell" I troped for "Jesus Christ Superstar" and came across this scene, which I remember from when I watched the movie many years ago.

The Twenty-fifth of 25 Songs in 25 Days

A song I could listen to all day without getting tired of.

So it has come to pass. We all knew it would have to end eventually, but now, I'm a little bit sad that my 25 days have ended. It was lots of fun picking my favorite (and not so favorite) music for almost a month, and I'll miss it a bit. Thanks to Ashley for letting me know this even existed, and sending me that list (no, not the List :-p)

I picked this song for the reason the list asked: I could listen to it all day and not get tired. It is just SUCH a fun song, from one of my favorite bands, with such a terrific ending. I'm glad I got to pick this for the last song, because it seems like such an appropriate send-off. The music is of the "celebratory finale" sort. Plus, the music video is very awesome, and totes reminds me of our little group of friends from Verot. It was this sort of thing I wish we could have done once. Maybe we will someday. But now I'm rambling. Thanks for reading and posting on these, and I hope you continue to do so for the rest of the year of posts.

Crap, what am I writing about tomorrow?

The Twenty-fourth of 25 Songs in 25 Days

A song that I have danced to with my best friend.

I may not have danced to a song with Gaby, but I KNOW I have danced to this with Ashley. WE ARE LEARNING THE ENTIRE DANCE!

The Twenty-third of 25 Songs in 25 Days

A song that I cannot stand to listen to.

Here's the thing: I do not like Rent. At all. But, the source does not come from the material, but of the constant, never-ending stream of references to it I heard ALL THE TIME. By the time I saw it, I was just so damned sick of the music that I hated it immediately. I would, and this is a big maybe, maybe like it on stage. But, since that occasion is not cropping up soon, I will go without.

The Twenty-second of 25 Songs in 25 Days

A song that someone has sung to me.

I did theatre. At some point SOMEONE sings something to you.

A bit weird that it came from Taylor though :-/

The Twenty-first of 25 Songs in 25 Days

My favorite song.

I have inadvertently posted my first and second favorite songs ("Hey Jude" and "Here Comes the Sun," respectively) already. So... this is not my favorite song. In fact, besides those first two, I can't say I have a third favorite song. The music I love, I love entirely. Sure, I could pick my favorite song from one of my favorite bands, and I think that's what I'll do.

I first heard Arcade Fire when I was driving home from Verot near Christmas. They played a song called "My Body is a Cage" on my Sirius, and... it was something I hadn't really heard frequently before. It was orchestral and yet rocking, entrancing and yet approachable, sad yet eventually uplifting. I went home and listened to it all the time, and now it's synonymous with Christmas for me.

I started getting curious about their other songs after listening to that several times. So, I went to YouTube and I listened. And listened. And listened. Their music was something I had interacted with only once before, and that with The Beatles. I loved every single one of their songs. Every. One. This song I pick now is my personal favorite. It just has this wonderful slow burn that I love. This song... wow.

The Twentieth of 25 Songs in 25 Days

The last song in my iTunes alphabetically.

Again, from (500) Days of Summer. The scene that accompanies this song is hilarious and so true. Well, not literally true, but the feeling you have is.

The Nineteenth of 25 Songs in 25 Days

The first song alphabetically in my iTunes.

I have already made mention of my love for (500) Days of Summer, so anything I say is kind of redundant. I don't particularly relate to this song too much, but damn it I relate to this movie. It is so utterly real and raw, it's just beautiful. And, it's seriously hilarious.

The Eighteenth of 25 Songs in 25 Days

A song that I love but rarely listen to.

I went through two Arcade Fires and a New Pornographers to only just remember this. I heard it a few summers back and totally loved it, only to listen to it a few times during the summers that followed. I'd listen to the song twice: once, with your eyes closed, imagining sitting outside in the summer with this playing, and just feel so peaceful.

Then watch it again with the moving titles in the video and lol.