Happy New Year!

I love me some friend time

I had a lovely day with Jessica, though it was besmirched by my very mean neighbors, a spider, and soul-crushing episodes of normally happy TV shows. I'd normally write more after a day like this, but I'm catching up on Glee.

Incomplete

Jessica's random, half-awake badgering of how my ability to find all the things in Lego Harry Potter is incomplete kind of makes me think of the nature of completion. We completed Ouran, which finished spectacularly. But, for me at least, Ouran is delightfully incomplete until I read all of the manga (which, if you asked me a year ago, I would not believe would be happening). We completed a very fun Thursday, but have not completed our time spent together, which will probably never be completed until death.

But... this whole situation with Andrew bugs me. I don't know what it is, but I was really looking forward to him coming tomorrow. The Andrew that I knew was this amazing kid with a great personality and passion. Then, he goes off to college and appears this different person, which happens with college. But then, when it seems that he still has the capacity to be that Andrew that we loved, and suddenly he drops contact. I feel... incomplete without him. He's the person who helped me, by way of Ashley, realize that I'd be just fine when figuring out that I was gay. He was the person who, back at Verot, I felt the closest friendship to with a guy. I thought of him as a brother, so, for him to just... ignore that... it leaves me feeling empty and incomplete.

I really hope he doesn't happen to be reading this blog. Or maybe I do. I don't know.

I am writing this at 11:56, promise!

Sorry, Tumblr was distracting me like a mofo.

So, we're public now, and I'm out to pretty much everybody. And everybody seems to be really happy about it, judging by the Likes and comments. Even Rachael Pardo, who I was concerned would get all religious, is happy. So, I'm happy with how it all went done, and finally have that shadow off of me.

It's been a good day.

And the Final One

Well, I've come out to Maureen. She's the last of our circle that I've come out to, face-to-face. It was terrifying, as always, but she reacted in the best way possible: not shocked, just said, "okay," and then we carried on with our conversation. She told me she was surprised, but that it's not a problem at all. She's really happy for me, and that I have Jesse. We then spent the rest of the time just talking like we always do, which we haven't gotten to do in a while. It was lovely.

Now this just leaves Facebook. I'll be making my relationship with Jesse public, which I'm happy about and also nervous. Maureen had a good point that pretty much everyone we know wouldn't care, and would really just be shocked instead of anything else. Still, doesn't mean I won't be nervous, which is natural. I just hope everything goes well with that.

Home Alone After Christmas

And now I have the house to myself. The new house. It's a little strange, but also very relieving. I feel like I'm finally in no-pressure relaxation mode, and it's quite lovely.

So, big day tomorrow: I come out to Maureen. I'm looking forward to it, and also not really. I expect her to be accepting, but I also still worry about what-ifs. She's the last one, and then I go public about myself and Jesse. All of Facebook will get a major shock, I'm guessing. I'm not expecting everyone to be very accepting. But, that pressure will be off, and I'll be glad about that.

Merry Christmas!

So today was Christmas.

It's been a strange sort of day. I explained on Tumblr that it felt like just any other day, because my mom and I spent a lot of the afternoon unpacking, we didn't have a big Christmas breakfast, and we didn't really... do anything particularly Christmasy. But, I finally got her to sit back in her chair under the tree and watch something while I read, as we do during Christmas. It was finally at that point that I started to feel Christmas. I think that was a major thing I was missing: just sitting down with her and relaxing by the tree.

As for presents, I got a CD drive (which I've needed for ages) from my dad, two $50 gift cards from my grandma, a $125 check from my grandpa, and a year-long subscription to Sirius XM from my mom. So, on the whole, I'm happy with what I got, as quality surpassed quantity this year.

Thankfully, my mom has agreed with me that this Christmas felt... lacking, in comparison to how our Christmases normally go. So, come April, when we have more money, we're having our official Christmas, with presents, music, a tree, and just everything we normally have.

The Doctor Who Christmas Special made me weep like a baby, by the way. I downloaded it since I don't have a DVR anymore. I shall watch it often as I wait for the new season next fall.

So, while this Christmas wasn't what I was expecting, it still ended on a high note.

Merry Christmas Eve!

I made a post on Tumblr earlier today saying that it didn't really feel like Christmas. My mom, after some discussion, agreed with me. But we went to dinner with my grandma and aunt, and it was a nice dinner. Afterwards, after getting a couple of gift cards, I sat in the chair by the tree and read. In the evening, reading a book, and a nice dinner, it finally started feeling like Christmas. Not Christmas as usual, but it started feeling something like Christmas.

It was nice. Merry Christmas!

The night before the night before Christmas

Been reading. Saw Bridesmaids and liked it. Laptop monitor is fucked. Stay tuned.

In which I spent most of the day unpacking

We're still in the process of unpacking. It's unfortunate, as it takes a great deal out of the day and makes it feel shorter than it really is.

Outside of that, not much happened. I reorganized the DVDs so that they fit my order of things, and I finished The Lion in Winter. It's just one of those plays that desperately makes me want to act again. I feel like, as I get older, I have a better grasp of plays and could better act out the roles I'd want than I did before.

In which I nap on the couch for the first time

I've never done that before. I've slept on the couch when my room was being painted, but I've never just been like, "Okay, I read some of my play, and I feel sleepy. Nap time!" It was lovely.

I got to read Act One of The Lion in Winter, a Christmas tradition. It is, as I remember, a great play. I was hoping reading it would make it feel more like Christmas, which it did a little... but I had the AC going and the sun was very bright, so that didn't work out as well as I'd hoped. Still, I got to read for the first time in months!

I've also set up the Wii in the madre's room, which means she'll see all the anime on Netflix, so no more sneaking around with that like it's my porn. I've also set up the Xbox and gotten the new dashboard, but this was only after freaking out about the AV cords which I thought got fucked up because the screen was black and white. However, two cords I had take out of the TV earlier had ripped out the colored bands which, after noticing, I fixed, and the Xbox is fine. Now I'm excited to play Lego Harry Potter with Jessica (and Ashley, if she wants) after using one of those free Gamefly deals that you see on TV. Should be a blast playing a game where you break things with Jessica, who I imagine will still be flailing and screaming over it.

I also got some things done around the house, but, now that mom is on winter break, we have to go back into "doing all the things" overdrive again. Alas, such is my life.

Jesse was given a pre-owned laptop by one of his guildmates. He torrented Windows 7 onto it, but, this has made him distracted throughout the day, so we haven't gotten to talk much. But, it's just one day.

By the way, I freak out too much from this trailer. Seriously, I'm worrying about having a heart attack induced by too much excitement and fanboying.

"I KNOW Jessica, and I TRUST her opinions."

Oh God, today was awesome. I missed hanging out with Ashley and Jessica so much, and it was so great to finally do it again in my new home. I loved being able to get hooked on Ouran again, flailing over every fangirl moment. I'm forever thankful Jessica introduced us to this show. It's the happiest television show ever.

It was also loads of fun just hanging out with these crazy kids. We always have such adventures, and today was no different. I think among the most memorable was Ashley's sleep talking, which is hilarious. It just makes me excited to eventually see tipsy Ashley. But I really needed to see these two today, because it's been really difficult recently, and I'm glad I got to relax for the first time in weeks.

So excited for tomorrow!

I'm so excited for Ashley and Jessica to come see the new home. It's going to be so pretty-looking and everything for when they arrive. And we can talk, and watch Ouran maybe, and it'll be so much fun aaaaahhh!!!

Today was a good day. I honestly didn't get LOTS done, but I did get some done, and I've been training Ben to be a good dog who releases outside. I've also rediscovered Arrested Development, which I forgot is this hysterical.

Unpacking

The house is coming together nicely. It looks so great, and we're training Ben to be more well-behaved. My room is looking fantastic, and the garage has enough space to park a car. At this point, I wish Ashley and Jessica could come over on Monday instead of Tuesday!

Not really, though. There's still boxes and bins to unload.

Everything Is Terrible is terrible

It was surreal, but nice, waking up in the new place. It kind of reminds me of a hotel, really. But, I'll get acquainted with it all soon enough. My room is now almost entirely set up the way I want it. I just need to hang up my clothes and other stuff, and I'll be set.

But, to the main event: Maureen's Ugly Christmas Sweater Party. Sweet Jesus, that was the craziest party I've ever been to... and not in the "party hard" way. It was legit crazy. It started normally enough. Well, as normal as we get. But then, Kaitlin put on the Everything Is Terrible X-Mas special... and it was like introducing absinthe to equation. I thought it was weird and ADD at first, but then, after we paused at the BOOM PREGNANT Mary sequence to go look at Christmas lights, it turned... bizarre and sexual. That seemed to be the theme for the rest of the night.

The pictures will be on Facebook soon.

The First Day

It's been a hell of a week.

On Monday I had my first final, Psych of Learning. As much as I hated that class, I'm pretty sure I got an A. I really, really hope so. Tuesday was our Developmental Psych presentation, which we nailed, so I'm sure I've got another A. Wednesday I spent the entire day in the library writing a paper, followed by my Anglo-Saxon and Medieval Lit final (which was tough, but I know I got an A in that class), and then the Research Methods class. Suffice it to say, it didn't go as well as I hoped, but I'm hoping for a B. I really, really hope for a B. There were so many details to the paper itself that, if I left stuff out, I don't know how badly it would hurt my grade. It was such a horrific class.

Then there was the packing this week, which I was productive with when I could take a break from finals. But today... oh, today. Today was rough. We spent 12 hours moving everything, with a break of about 45 minutes throughout. I talked on Tumblr about just how arduous it was, so I won't repeat myself.

But I'm comfortable in my room, Doctor Who on my television, and things feel right again.

Many things happened today

Books, Bed bath and beyond, people getting together (yay!), packing, moving, Jeff returning, and tomorrow is the big moving day. Plus, it's Jesse's birthday, and I'm so excited, despite having nothing planned. I love him so much, I'm so friggin' lucky.

It's Over

The semester is over. Stay tuned for insights on it tomorrow, after my books are returned.

Well... no Internet is a drag

But I hope to get all my end of the semester stuff done tomorrow so it can just be finished. I'm so sick of this never-ending semester.

The Long Week

It feels like it should be Friday already. This week is going horrifically slow, and it's only Monday!

Tomorrow is my presentation with Kimbler. I'll miss that big teddy bear of a professor, but I'm always happy to be done with a class. I just hope we don't fuck anything up.

Study Day

Brain cannot handle the studying... melting... bleh.

Today was friggin' exhausting

Moving totally sucks, guys. I feel like I did when I was taking PE that summer: all achey and tired and bleh. Moving heavy shit around, getting up and down, it's a real pain.

But the place is still beautiful, and we have most of the tree up. Just need to finish the ornaments.

How random!

What started as a day that would have me making a one hour detour to FGCU to study turned into 8-9 hours of hanging out with Jessica. It turned into an incredibly eventful, random day that totally reminded me of why we're friends. Talking about ALL the things!

Another day of packing

Got loads of stuff packed, meaning the house is almost done.

I spent the day moving

Nothing really happened.

Purge

This is the first time I've turned on my computer all day. From the moment I finished my breakfast until about 30 minutes ago, I've been working non-stop all sorting for the move, working on a group project at FGCU (where I saw Jessica in her Spongebob PJ glory), and then back to sorting. I threw out A LOT of stuff, and it felt good to do it. I was purging myself of the past so that I could embrace the new.

Old Wounds

I've actually had the time to work on packing up my room this evening. It's... uncomfortable. Not because I don't have enough room to work with, but because everything just brings up old memories. Everything is from a simpler time, before the summer of 2009, when everything fell apart. I tried on my class ring, and it's too small for me now. That's how I feel about a lot of my stuff: it doesn't fit anymore. That guy from before, he doesn't exist anymore. He was destroyed, and I'm what's left of him, plus some new things. I read through a journal entry I made the night my mom told me she was separating from my dad, and it was so passionate, and hurt. It reminded me that, behind the nostalgia goggles, high school was difficult, and our friends weren't always that great. It showed me the reality that I had idealized in comparison to what had laid in store for me.

I have a Harry Potter journal from ten years ago tucked away in a drawer. It's so old that it uses illustrations of scenes from the books, or artists' representations of items from the books, not even any pictures from the movies. My first entry was when I was ten, and behind the misspellings I saw how simple I was back then. I loved Jurassic Park, and that was the biggest thing to know about me. I didn't write in it again until I was 17, and it physically hurt to see just how soon it would be until this poor guy didn't exist anymore. Life was tough, but it was high school tough. He didn't know about actual life tough until the moment it would come at him and stab him in the heart.

I wrote a new entry, and, even though it ended optimistically, the process made me feel physically ill. I found pictures of my parents happy together, memories I had completely forgotten existed. There were old toys stashed away on purpose to keep my mom from telling me to sell or throw out, and they just reminded me of the hours I'd spend playing with them. There were too many memories.

Too many.

Yes, I have beaten you for all time. You shall never again arise from the ashes of your shame and humiliation.

I have finished my nightmare term paper for Research Methods. The thing that has robbed me of my sleep and joy is at an end. This time tomorrow, it will be sent in, and I shall finally be free of it.

In my short breaks today I watched a bit of Avatar: The Last Airbender, which is a terrific show. It's so good, that in a comments section I read with news about The Legend of Korra, there were only good things said about Avatar, calling it one of the best shows ever. In a comments section. Universal agreement. That says something.

That it is koala tea.

Jessica's face must be as red as my hair right now.

I don't know what happened to Saturday

It felt like a lot of stuff and nothing happened. Just one of those days.

Rugrats is on Netflix

I now remember why Rugrats was actually my favorite Nickelodeon show back in the 90's. I watched it so much that it must have literally blended in as a part of my childhood, so major memories aren't really existent with it. It's so cute, funny, and shockingly clever. Awesome.

We Have the House

I can't believe it. I'm ecstatic over this news. We have a house, and it's beautiful. Ahhhhh!!!