Man-Child

So this whole thing is why I can't be an adult.

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/06/this-is-why-ill-never-be-adult.html

Summer

So I have a love/hate relationship with July. On the one hand, July has Independence Day, THE summer holiday. It's sunny, hot, and filled with the images of beaches, barbecues, and fun. On the other hand, by the middle of the month, the back to school ads and commercials roll out. The images of kids jumping into the pool are replaced by pretend smiles on kids in new clothes standing by lockers, looking as excited as if they just won a puppy in a candy-eating contest. You know what I say to that?

Bullshit. Bull-oney. Horse apples. Horse hockey. Oh crap.

These ads love to remind us that our time of fun and relaxation is going to end sooner rather than later. We'll be back to the books in a blink of an eye, with memories of getting sunburned at the beach or riding roller coasters just a thing of the past. This irritation I have stems back to childhood. I never liked school, much like EVERY OTHER KID IN THE WORLD. It takes up our time. We meet lots of friends, but we also have all of that work to do. And having 3 months of break suddenly end is like a blast of cold water to the face. It sucks.

I thought this annoyance would end when I got to college. Nope. Don't get me wrong, college is awesome, and lots of the people you meet are rad. But still, having to go back to having a schedule and responsibilities like that blows. So when I see people say how excited they are to go back, I totally get that. I kind of feel that way too, but I just wish I had more time to bask in the freedom from responsibility that we call summer break.

Oops

So I apparently didn't update this little old blog throughout June. My bad. It's funny how busy you get when you're not doing anything at all. Also, there was the tail end of summer classes to grapple with, so you'll have to forgive me for that one. Anyway, this last month has been kind of surreal. Life has been throwing a lot of punches my way lately, but I don't know if it's because I've become more cynical or just developed a shield against constant awfulness, but it hasn't gotten me down as much as it should have. I've been what I could pretty much describe as content, which is an emotion that doesn't often come my way. Except when I think of Wizarding World of Harry Potter. Petty and spoiled as it sounds, I feel annoyed and jealous whenever I hear about someone going. I guess it's because I remember feeling so excited when I first heard one morning that they were building it at my favorite theme park. Up until it opened, it seemed that going the day it opened was a given, despite my family's financial difficulties. It seemed like a rude awakening when I found myself at home while the stars of the HP series were at the opening, which I had naively assumed I too would be at. It sounds so stupid writing this. But since when are emotions rational? Whenever I hear that someone is going, and how excited they are, and I'm stuck at home, it feels like I've been robbed. That it's just one addition to the troubles my family has gone through. How petty.

I've had the house to myself these past few days, and it's been very pleasant. Do I like it when my dad comes by to visit? Sure. But I really like having the opportunity to just take care of myself and not have to worry about anyone else. It's quiet here. But not that awkward, creepy silence you sometimes find in an empty house. It's a calming one, with the sound of a breeze or birds coming from the outside. I like this feeling. I wish I felt this way all the time.

Talent

So I may very well be late to the party on this, but I figured I'd post this video. This girl, Liz, sings a cover of The Funeral by one of my favorite bands, Band of Horses. She's got an incredible voice, and she picked the perfect song for her voice. Even if you aren't a fan of this type of music (coughAshleycough), go ahead and give it a watch.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6NxjNyYq1s&playnext_from=TL&videos=WzrglXfl-Kk

In a Galaxy Far, Far Away....

So I decided to keep things light today over that heavy post from yesterday to just say Happy Star Wars Day! May the Fourth be with you!

Dream

So I had this dream last night. More like a nightmare, really. But it wasn't a "Freddy Krueger" type of dream. I was sitting in my Brit Lit classroom, wearing some old sweater I used to own, while it's really hot out. These two guys next to me start saying that there's something on me, but I can't find it. One of them says, "Seriously, you can't find it?!" Then the other one starts calling me a nerd for wearing the sweater, and then the whole class starts laughing loudly and hysterically. I'm trying to laugh it off, and find it impossible. I look around for someone to back me up, and see one of my closest friends, who's just staring. Then this person gets up and leaves, so I'm stuck in there. Then the dream kind of transitions into something different, but what I've just told you is the important part.

I figured that the heat from the outside is due to the unnaturally early summer weather we've gotten here. The sweater might be due to some self-conscious things, or as a metaphor for being excluded. My Brit Lit classroom and the whole nerd thing is most likely due to the fact that the friends I made in that class are HUGE nerds. One of them plays DnD, for God's sake. I don't consider myself a huge nerd. I like movies and TV, and I know a lot more about video games than the normal person, but I still socially interact with people and don't really consider movies etc. as a part of my identity, more like hobbies. But still, I really got along well with these people from Brit Lit and had a lot of fun with them.

However, the biggest problem with this dream was the friend. This person, who is going to stay anonymous, is one of my closest friends. So when I see anon stand up and leave, that was the worst part. The reason this was in the dream is because it's now summer. Like everyone else, I love this time of year. Finally, we have a break from all the work and can de-stress. But for me, there's also a negative side. I start to lose connections with people. People that I met or hung out with during school kind of drift away until August, or worse, drift away completely. My phone stops alerting me to text messages so often, or some days doesn't go off at all. Even in my closest circle of friends, friends that I would do absolutely anything for, I don't hear from them. A few times a month I'll get invited to a movie, but by no means is it a weekly thing where I go out with friends.

I feel like this is mostly my fault. Growing up as an only child, you have to occupy yourself. In doing so, I've kind of molded myself into a loner, a one man wolf pack if I dare allude to something. And so, I'm bad about communicating to people. Unless I know you really well, most of what I say comes out as word vomit. I don't initiate text messages very often, mostly because I don't know what to talk about. And so, I probably give off the impression that I'm the one forgetting people. And for that, I'm sorry. But then, I'm not getting text messages, or invitations somewhere, either. And that sucks. I hate to say this, but sometimes I feel like I'm an unsung type. I would do ANYTHING for one of my friends, if only I had the opportunity. At the worst, I feel like an after-thought. I know that's not true. I know that I have many friends, with a few that are really close, and I hope that I'm close to them, too. It's just a clusterfuck of self-esteem issues.

I'm sorry this turned into a fucking essay. I didn't mean it to, but I just felt like it had to be said. Please don't get offended, or think any less of me. Sometimes, you have to let the crazy out, before it breaks free on its own.

Stay classy.

The Titles They Are a-Changin'

So I was reading through some of my friends blogs, and saw that their blog titles were witty or deep. Meanwhile, mine was "I Find This Awesome." That's when I started to think about what this title means: things that are interesting or cool are what I'd put on my blog. Since I first started, I noticed that I had put up only two things that were interesting. So, I thought about a new title, something that encapsulates how my mind thinks, and how my personality works. I heard this song, "Adventures in Solitude" by The New Pornographers, and though the song doesn't really fit me, I felt the title was a good way to describe what I'm getting at. So here you go.

Unfortunately right before I posted this, I noticed that the URL is still under "I Find This Awesome." Oops.