Deep Thoughts Time

I sometimes hate the freedom college provides.

Before I got here, I knew that I wanted to be a screenwriter and major in English. Then, after taking AP and finding out English is a pain in the ass sometimes, and helping out friends when they were having trouble, I decided to switch to Psychology. This seemed like an excellent decision, and, after getting a 100% in Gen Psych, I was cemented in this fact. Fast forward to last summer with Human Development and a B, and suddenly I'm a little wary of Psychology. A lot of the work is kind of tedious, but I shrug it off to a dull class and a crappy teacher. Now it's fall, and I'm in Experimental Psychology, and so much is happening at once that I can hardly keep up. By this point I know that I want to be a psychotherapist, and, to do that, to become a clinical psychologist. A girl, a fellow psych major, tells me late in the semester that most institutions accept about a handful out of thousands for their clinical psychology programs, and that, because of this, she's thinking of changing her major.

Experimental Psychology ends, I get a B (an A- were it not for the idiocy of a partner)and now it's this spring. Abnormal Psychology is a lot of work and memorization, but it's all so interesting that it's giving me the excitement I had from Gen Psych and my first exposure to the subject. I'm doing great in the class so far, the professor is amazing, but, in the beginning of the semester, he awakens us to the reality of post-undergraduate life. Clinical is like I thought it was, counseling psychology is a dying field (most people visit therapists that are clinical psychologists or psychiatrists) marriage and family is basically done with, and all that's left is social work or school psychology.

Social work is a dirty, gritty field, but I can open up my own private practice, allowing me counsel people. But, the way to get there is through working for places like Family Services, where Spanish is practically a requirement. Well, no me gusta espanol. Hablo espanol un pequito. I don't even know if that's grammatically correct. I can't learn Spanish at all. When I do, it falls right out of my head. Now all I have is school psychology, but... I don't like kids. Plus, it's LOTS of testing, and, worst of all, no proper counseling.

That's pretty much it.

My mom's friend Jeff works for a major advertising agency. He doesn't do creative work, but basically manages different advertising groups. Or something, I wasn't very clear. But he would go in, find out how to make the advertisers work best together, and then go off to help other advertisers. He's told me it involves A LOT of psychology, that an English minor or something looks good, and some other stuff. He travels all over the world and is loaded which, after living in dire straights for several years, would be a nice change of pace. The area seems good for creative, outside the box thinking that accompanies English, while involving the analysis that comes with psychology. Maybe I can go there, hope something works out. Except, I'd have to know business stuff, which I despise with a fierce passion.

That's why I hate collegiate freedom. I had a set goal in mind and now it's gone. I hate that things can't just be simple, that I can't do exactly what I wanted to do. My worst fear about adulthood isn't ending up alone, but settling. I have worked my ass off to get to where I am, the last thing I want to do is settle. But damn it if there aren't a shit-ton of obstacles in my way that cause me to change course.

I want it to be summer now. I want to be able to just relax, not have my worries for a while.