Recursive

So I'm starting to worry I have ADD. Or ADHD. Whatever. Every time I mean to start studying, I can barely focus for 10 seconds before I switch to Twitter/Facebook/IGN/whatever. I didn't use to be like this. I used to be able to study for at least an hour without switching to some other activity. I'm tense and more prone to procrastination than ever before. I think it's starting to affect my grades.
Just this morning, I decided to get in two hours of solid studying before my Medieval Euro test. I had been set to study last night, just after Dexter, but decided to procrastinate because I was tired. Before that, I had been meaning to study in the afternoon, but held off because something interesting was on television, or I just didn't feel like doing it.
So I have my notes all out in front of me and I'm beginning to study, when I have this urge to go on Twitter. I do, just to appease myself briefly, then plan on studying the rest of the time. I read a page of notes, then go to Facebook. A bullet, IGN. It goes on and on, with time growing on the Internet, and shorter time focusing on my studies. I take my test without having read all of my notes/scanning the readings, and get an 82. At first, I'm thrilled! I got a B! But then I realize that I got a B in a history class. This should've been easy, a guaranteed A.
I check my grade on the essay we had to write. I got a 79. On an essay. I'm usually great at essays! What is wrong with me?
I think it has to do with stress. I have to push myself to get amazing grades so that I can get into grad school, and the stress from that makes me want to avoid it and focus on leisurely things. But if I do that, I won't get good grades, and the only way to get good grades is too study, but I don't want to study, because it's too stressful, and so on and so on.
I'm trapped in this recursive predicament, and I don't know what to do.

All the leaves are brown....

Well, almost.

So I decided to give the blog a fresh coat of paint for the fall. I know I'm jumping the gun, but I have a lot of things to look forward to coming up in the fall, so I just want to let some excitement out.

Also, I realize how sad it is that I'm excited about a small blog redesign. Don't present it to me.

So Begins the Second Decade....

So I am now twenty years old. I have to say, it feels great to be finally out of my teens. It feels like I've met a goal, even though I've just remembered to breathe and eat since 1990. I feel much more adult and mature now, like I could take on the world. I didn't really expect to feel this way. I expected to feel more nostalgic and old, like I did when I turned 18, but, instead I feel very alive. If you will forgive the cliche, look out world, because I'm coming!

I Am Gonna Make It Through This Year If It Kills Me

So I tried to look up images of Florida in the fall and this was as close as I could get. Last late fall/winter on my drive to FGCU, the Six Mile Cypress slough changed colors to a very autumn appearance. I thought this was cool until about February when it eventually looked like an irradiated wasteland of dead trees.

Anyway, I started school last Monday. Classes are hit and miss. The professors are either awesome or extremely old and dull. The people are cool or extremely quiet and bedecked in a Hollister billboard. I miss summer vacation. Now I have all of this schoolwork to do, and most of my friends have gone back to their own schools. It's depressing to think about, so I try not to. Instead, my brain has kind of switched into fall mode.

Every kid gets excited about the holiday season, which I consider to be Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. My birthday always kicked off this season, which featured cooler weather, holiday commercials, and just an unusual switch over from the regular to the festive. As I got older, these things became less interesting, but I still get excited about them, probably more than other people. It's around now when I get stoked for the change. It makes me feel inexplicably happy, which is always a nice thing to have. So when I look at my schedule for the fall, I just think, "well, you do have the season to look forward to."

Oh, and the title of this entry comes from a song from a band I just discovered called The Mountain Goats. I am not extremely desperate to make it through the year like that. Well, maybe a little.

Shameless

So I'm posting a THIRD time today! Final one, too, unless I get inspired.

Anyway, Ashley Murphy and I have created a blog all about the world of video games. Reviews, news, opinions, trailers, pretty much anything awesome about video games will be here. We just started it, so it's still in its formative stages, but we hope that it will get big and cool enough to get us passes to E3 and Comic-Con. So come visit us, spread the word, and enjoy!

http://oldsavebonus.blogspot.com/

Stake Through the Heart of Love

So is it bad that the best love song I've ever heard is sung by a Dracula puppet?

Time Capsules

So my mom and I spent the final half of July organizing our garage sales. This meant that we had to go through bin after bin, closet after closet, drawer after drawer, etc. finding things that we hadn't seen in at least a year to sell. For my mom, this meant selling a lot of clothes, decorations, furniture, whatever. For me, I had to sell DVDs, games, books, clothes, but, most of all, toys. In a previous post, I talked about having been an only child meant finding something to occupy my time. Most of these distractions were toys. I must have had 10, 11, 12 BIG bins of toys kept away in our shed. I had never wanted to give these up, hoping to someday give them to my son (I'm having a son, dammit. If I have a daughter I will get rid of her*). But unforeseen financial difficulties (stupid Great Recession) made that hope impractical. We were sitting on a gold mine, and I would have to give up the toys. As I began going through bins, I surprised myself with my lack unwillingness to part with my toys. And this is coming from the guy who shed a tear during Toy Story 3 and was put into a two-day depression after seeing it. A lot of the toys were made from cheap plastic, so they had an unpleasant consistency. Some were put into a pool, bathtub, or sink to play with, so they also had a weird smell. Almost all of them just felt gross because they were kept in a poorly ventilated shed for five + years.

I found many action figures scattered around, mostly Star Wars related. As I sorted through them, I started to feel nostalgic for more innocent days. I'd constantly recreate the duel between Luke and Vader from Empire Strikes Back, or Han Solo blasting away stormtroopers on the Death Star. Those memories would shrink away quickly when throwing a figure into the 50 cent pile, or the $1.00 pile if it was high quality.

The Lego bins were the worst. As I type this, I wish I could say that they were the worst because of all the memories associated with each piece. But no, it was because there were so many damned pieces! And reaching your hand deep into a pile of sharp plastic bits hurts! Sure, as I went through them, I found some vehicles or buildings still together, and would think back to building them, or great adventures I made up that to a child were greater than any epic tale. But, these thoughts were fleeting, and soon I had two bins of assorted Lego bricks. In my house is another pile of Lego minifigures and unopened sets that I'm selling online. As it turns out, there's a good market for these toys. Hell, I just sold a minifigure vampire for almost $20!

Reflecting on this, I realize that all of those feelings of nostalgia were secondary to the here and now. That I'm almost 20, and I have the future to look forward to. Adulthood entertainment and responsibilities are my focus now. The world is a big place, and now I can create my own adventures, without the need for action figures or Legos.

But despite all of this, I still have some Legos stashed away. Don't tell anybody. It's important to still have some childhood enjoyment.

*I kid of course. If I have a daughter I will care for her just as much as a son. Probably.